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Until Death Do Us Part

UNTILL DEATH DO US PART

This class is about the sanctity of marriage.

Activity I

Divide into “family” units of no more than 5 each.
Each “family unit” is instructed to create both a bride and groom from toilet paper, clear tape and a black trash bag.
(While the teens are creating the wedding attire, the youth leaders will be setting up
A mock chapel)

Wedding wear should be judged. The winners get to be the bride and groom in
A mock marriage ceremony. Those who are in “wedding attire” will get to be the
bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Have a lay person act as a Priest to “marry” the lucky couple. (To avoid the insistence
of a “mock honeymoon” you may want to stress over and over that this is only pretend)

Mock Wedding Ceremony Skit

This skit can be done without much memorization. It will require a bridal party, bride, groom, “Priest” and an “Unknown” Guest.

Chairs are set up with an aisle in between.
Music begins to play as the bride walks down the aisle. The groom and the Priest are waiting at the end.

Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
(Bride’s Name) have you come of your own free will to give yourself in marriage to this man?
Bride: Yes I have.
Priest: (Groom’s Name) have you come of your own free will to give yourself in marriage to this woman?
Groom: Yes I have.
Priest: Will you honor and love one another as husband and wife for the rest of your lives?
Couple: We will.
Priest: And will you accept children from God lovingly and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?
Couple: We will.
Priest: (To the Bride) Do you take ____________as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?
Bride: I do.
Priest: (To the Groom) Do you take ___________as your lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do you part?
Groom: I do.
Priest: May the Lord in His goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with His blessings. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.
Guest: (Loudly) Wait a minute! Are you guys crazy? Don’t you know that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce? Are you guys really sure about this….cause…you know…that until death do you part thing is a huge commitment!
(Bride and Groom look at each other and shrug)
Priest: If there’s some uncertainty perhaps we should take a little time to think about it. How about if everyone follows me into the classroom and we give this whole marriage thing some thought.

(Music is played as if the ceremony has ended. The bridal party exits down the aisle
Followed by the bride and groom.)

We were in the gym and so we gave the “guests” the rest of the toilet paper and let
them throw it into the air to celebrate.

Lesson I

It would bring a good balance to this lesson to have one or more student share
With the others how divorce has affected their life. Make sure the student doesn’t
Indicate one or the other of his/her parents as the “bad” guy.

Lesson II

What the Catholic Church Really Believes About Divorce

By definition, divorce is a legal action that severs the bond of marriage between two people, but that is only civilly speaking.
The Catholic Church looks at it differently.
There is civil law and canonical law. Civil law has to do with the laws of society…which the Church agrees we should follow.
Canonical law is the Church’s law. We Catholics have to follow both.
Canonical law isn’t meant to complicate our lives, but to keep us on track with the commandments and with God’s law.
Civil law is prohibited from taking God’s law into view.
If a Catholic is married outside of the Church…that marriage is not recognized by the Church. That doesn’t mean you aren’t married. In the eyes of the state…you are…but in the eyes of the Church you aren’t.
A Catholic married civilly outside of the Church is not in “full communion” with the Catholic Church and should not receive communion. This goes for couples who are living together as well.
The Catholic Church does not recognize a civil divorce as proof that a marriage has ended.
A Catholic marriage is a Sacrament. A bond. A promise before God.
That doesn’t mean you can’t get a divorce and remain Catholic. It just means that you need a good reason to get divorced if you’re Catholic.
A Catholic who gets divorced has to go through what is called the “Ecclesiastical Dissolution of the Marriage” or what you’ve probably heard of as an annulment.
A Catholic who is living with someone in a physical relationship, without the benefit of marriage is not supposed to receive communion.
If a Catholic who has been married in the Church gets a civil divorce, but doesn’t get an annulment…he/she can still receive communion (Good standing with the Church) unless and until he/she becomes involved in another relationship or until and unless one of them dies. This is because in the Church’s eyes, you are still married to the first person.
If a bride or groom or both are not baptized, they can still get married in the Catholic Church, however it isn’t a Sacramental marriage…it’s called a natural union and is blessed by the Church. They are however expected to join RCIA or be in the process of receiving the Sacraments.
If the bride and groom, either or both are baptized but have not made their First Eucharist…they can receive it at the wedding. However, you are expected to be in the process of receiving the Sacraments.
You do not have to be Confirmed to be married in the Catholic Church. However, you are expected to be in the process of receiving the Sacraments
A man or woman wishing to marry a non-Catholic must receive permission from the Priest to be married in the Catholic Church. The Catholic party must vow to raise their children in the Catholic Church.
There are no laws preventing a divorced Catholic from active participation within a parish.
It is true that long, long ago, in 1884 the American Catholic Church imposed the penalty of excommunication for any Catholic who divorced and re-married outside the Church. That law was long ago lifted, but unfortunately it’s become one of those “Old wives tales” that just won’t die!
Its way less complicated to receive the Sacraments at the appropriate times or go through RCIA and get married to another Catholic.

Fact: Divorce rates are rising.
Fact: Nearly half of all marriages end in divorce.
Fact: There are ten myths of divorce.

Divorce Myth 1: Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
Fact: Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages.

Divorce Myth 2: Living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing.
Fact: Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have a considerably higher chance of eventually divorcing. 80% The reasons for this are not well understood. In part, the type of people who are willing to cohabitate may also be those who are more willing to divorce. There is some evidence that the act of cohabitation itself generates attitudes in people that are more conducive to divorce, for example the attitude that relationships are temporary and can easily be ended.

Divorce Myth 3: Divorce may cause problems for many of the children, who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly.
Fact: Divorce increases the risk of interpersonal problems in children. There is evidence, both from small qualitative studies and from large-scale, long-term empirical studies that many of these problems are long lasting. In fact, they may even become worse in adulthood.

Divorce Myth 4: Having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.
Fact: Many studies have shown that the most stressful time in a marriage is after the first child is born. Couples who have a child together have a slightly decreased risk of divorce compared to couples without children, but the decreased risk is far less than it used to be when parents with marital problems were more likely to stay together "for the sake of the children."

Divorce Myth 5: Following divorce, a woman's standard of living plummets by 73 percent while that of a man's improves by 42 percent.
Fact: This dramatic inequity, one of the most widely publicized statistics from the social sciences, was later found to be based on a faulty calculation. A reanalysis of the data determined that the woman's loss was 27 percent while the man's gain was 10 percent. Irrespective of the magnitude of the differences, the gender gap is real and seems not to have narrowed much in recent decades.

Divorce Myth 6: When parents don't get along, children are better off if their parents’ divorce than if they stay together.
Fact: A recent large-scale, long-term study suggests otherwise. While it found that parents' marital unhappiness and discord have a broad negative impact on virtually every dimension of their children's well-being, so does the trauma of going through a divorce. In examining the negative impacts on children more closely, the study discovered that it was only the children in very high-conflict homes who benefited from the conflict removal that divorce may bring. In lower-conflict marriages that end in divorce, the study found that perhaps as many as two thirds of the divorces were of this type. The situation of the children was made much worse following a divorce. Based on the findings of this study, therefore, except in the minority of high-conflict marriages it is better for the children if their parents stay together and work out their problems than if they divorce.

Divorce Myth 7: Because they are more cautious in entering marital relationships and also have a strong determination to avoid the possibility of divorce, children who grow up in a home broken by divorce tend to have as much success in their own marriages as those from intact homes.
Fact: Marriages of the children of divorce actually have a much higher rate of divorce than the marriages of children from intact families. A major reason for this, according to a recent study, is that children learn about marital commitment or permanence by observing their parents. In the children of divorce, the sense of commitment to a lifelong marriage has been undermined.

Divorce Myth 8: Following divorce, the children involved are better off in stepfamilies than in single-parent families.
Fact: The evidence suggests that stepfamilies are no improvement over single-parent families, even though typically income levels are higher and there is a father figure in the home. Stepfamilies tend to have their own set of problems, including interpersonal conflicts with new parent figures and a very high risk of family breakup.

Divorce Myth 9: Being very unhappy at certain points in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce.
Fact: All marriages have their ups and downs. Recent research using a large national sample found that 86 percent of people who were unhappily married in the late 1980s, and stayed with the marriage, indicated when interviewed five years later that they were happier. Indeed, three fifths of the formerly unhappily married couples rated their marriages as either "very happy" or "quite happy."

Divorce Myth 10: It is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings.
Fact: Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower.

Activity II
Hand out paper and pencils and ask the students to write an affirmation letter to their parents, regarding their marriage. If the student’s parents are divorced he/she could write a letter of encouragement and support.

Songs
“Wait For Me” by Rebecca St. James
“Cry Out To Jesus” by Third Day
“Two Sets of Jones’” by Big Tent Revival

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